-rattlings-
Saturday, February 22, 2003
hmm den spiritually i also feel quite inadequate.. like during strive todae.. den i realized that i dun have that kinda passion for pple like laiwah, wee teck etc.. i dun have such a HUGE interest in the lives of the youths.. and i cannot like love everyone unconditionally.. especially if i dun like him/her. yet, who am i to judge.. to like or dislike someone? will i ever be able to love people properly.. like the way God demanded us to? i tink i am too selfish for that.. how??
it is strange how God can feel close one dae.. den far the next. like how i can feel so in tune with His spirit.. den so tired to hear the next daEe.. my heart is REALLi prone to wonder.. and i been a christian for 4.5 yrs oredi... but i think there are some who onli been christians for a few months and have stronger faith than meE.. eeks..
okae mebbe i am juz depressed tonite.. so i shud juz stop here.. hah bye byeEe..
okae.. dis is like 9 months overdue.. gosh.. betta back den never :P
todae was strive.. den went to orios for dindin..
i dunno wot to share on this blog.. like how personal it shud be.. but heck dun think anyone is gonna read it in near future.. so i shud juz blab.. hah
well, first of all.. quite shocked bout kelvin getting cancer. like angry for being so ignorant.. and thinking that he was oredi getting well... and of cos shocked and sad.. altho i dun even noe him very well.. i was planning to! and i am afraid i dun even have the chance now? hmm haiz wunder how the DG is gonna take it tmRr..
well.. and i am still afraid bout bh. i noe God is sovereign and i shud not fear.. but i do. like during strive, i wud thinking bout how he wanted to break up the last strive? and like going to orios.. den i wunder if it might be the last time i am going w him? how long more are we going to last? i noe compared to like life and death matters, dis seems so trivial.. but it is very impt to me. he is impt to me... my soulmate, best frenz and lover..prayermatEe. i noe God can bring me thru if we do end.. but haiz do we realli need to? hmmm... when will he not feel at the edge of the cliff?? when will i be mature enuff to realli not mind when he goes out with another gal? am i juz petty.. sometimes i think i am emotionally retarded..
