-rattlings-
Friday, July 11, 2003
LOVE is your chinese symbol!
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Blue Eyes
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Thursday, July 10, 2003
okae.. musing time..
many thoughts have come and gone.. wunder why my brain so disorganized. its the hols and seems like my brain has taken a vacation too.
i wunder why pple can have such strong opinions about things. since rgs days.. notive how pple can so worked up over rights and stuff. like shuyin and gang bout feministic views. is it they natural hold very extreme views or izzit cos pple think it is cool to have strong views? or izzit juz me.. i like to tread on the neutral.. the non extreme. safe side. perhaps cos i hate risks? *shruGs*
wunder why God left me in sing. izzit my own punishment for being so slack in jc that i cant get scholarship to go overseaS? sometimes i feel jealous. why all the geppers on overseas scholarship seem to be having so much fun.. why they can afford to go travelling etc. yet i disallow myself to get bitter.. perhaps this is why i am working so hard in uni now. realli making up for lost time. lost opportunities. yet this seems like the wrong motive to want to study hard. i noe my real and onli motive shud be to please God. wot a dilemma..
im afraid of losing time. losing my memory. that is why i like to take fotos. i liek to remember wot i did on this certain dae.. how i have spent my time. im so afraid of letting my daes juz pass me by. even this hols.. im afraid at the end of 3 mths i wud be afraid that i haf achieved nuthing. it is this constant stress than spurs me on.. that pushes me fwd to live life to the max each dae. but yet im stressed. i feel afraid. i feel tirEd. sigh. ironic thing is i have been feeling emotionless these few daes. how weird.
my emotions feel like a whirlwind.. i...a... like i was telling liyi.. sometimes my emotions so a bit hay wire. how does God control them? or am i supposed to suppress them on my own?
i am afraid of being sucked into this world. the money. fame. success. lust. evil. backstabbing. im afraid to lose focus in life. to work hard in future for munee's sake. to work hard to fulfill my own pleasures. wot about God? where is He in my life? are my priorities truly wrong? wot do i value in life? i dunno.. how do i make munee and status less impt to myself?
juz to keep track.. wot have i done
1) meet up with many pple i wanted to meet up with (laiwah, cath, jeanette, xh, cat, sher, arm, liyi, hx, jz, jiehao, ian, daryl, cheryl tan, cheryl k, xueling) left with aaron, sangyee, 00s64... anyone i left ouT?
2) tried out pedicure
3) doggie
4) bintan
5) facial (indoor tanning is up next)
6) got a tan
7) worked
8) watched matrix.. on imax some more!
9) orientation stuff
10) shaped my eyebroWs
things to do
1) try out indoor tanning
2) meet up with rest of pple
places to go
1) korea
2) pulau ubin
3) night safari
4) quarry
5) bkt timah nature reserve
about 1 mth more before skool starts.. shall take things ez.. :)
okae.. im tired.. meeting cath tonite.. shall take a rest..
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
tues
aniwaEz.. yesterdae was real fun. altho morn was bad. pissed w my mum complaining bout me to duayi over the fone. wrote email to dad but apparently useless. met jeanette to watch charlies angels. real kewlz.. altho very brainless. demi moores bod is DAMN good can. wah lau and she is 40. i am 20 and dun look 1/2 as good. sigh. cameron diaz very chio. i realli wunder if my lifetime if i will ever be called chio. hahaz.. oh wellz..
oh i tried out pedicure todae.. got discount coupon. my toenails is a nice pinkish purple now.. yayzz finally :)
den met up with cath and jz. caths life there sure sounds exciting and her german bf is kewtt. but everyone seems quite screwed there.. sex and drugs and all. and i feel outta touch with sec skool pple. dunno where all the overseas pple are. i feel that i haf moved on so much. a part of me wunders if it is cos i feel inferior to these overseas scholars sometimes i feel uncomfi hanging around them. then again, as bh reminds me, its Gods plan i stay here. how true.. i wud probably be highly screwed up overseas too.. oh wellzz..
wed
todae was fun. was planning a slack dae home.. den liyi called to ask if she could come over. in the end, managed to pack house.. den walked her to bukit batok to return books (while i complaint bout munee issueS).. also has a short swim. den wanted to go gym but it was packed so din go.. its nice how can have such good fren to hang out with.. and being spontaneous. i like being spontaneous..
oh hmmz wot a weird nite. reaD kws blog. i suddenly feel sucked into the dark world. wot i was like in jc. when i was like insecure.. tangled and lost in bondages. its so weird. last time pple start dating in uni. now pple 20 not attached feel weird. shifting moral and value system eh
thurs
slack at home dae. cleared up mc stuff.. all the sponsorship stuff. cleaned my room.. packed the house.. etC. i think i am weird. i like to clean the house. it seems me a sense of satisfaction.. of clearing up. or perhaps what the new age pple wud call.. in touch with the inner selF? hahaz.. its like cleaning up.. keeping track and moving on. nice feeling..
Monday, July 07, 2003
hEyZ..
havent written my reflections in a long time.. like wot i fink of pple and issues. in a way, i am scared.. scared of thinking too much. scared of wot other pple might fink or feel when they read my reflections.. oh wellzz..
sat was bad dae. woke up grumpy.. went for vocal training. then b4 that dropped by paws and fur. david called me to sorta lecture me about not going for worship prac. mum asked me to see something so i asked her to hold on and she stormed off. then after class, hl picked me up to go to chan bros and ctc. my new slippers of bata gave me a really baDddd blister. sigh. yah parents picked me up from chinatown with realli black face. came home.. took a nap and ran off to dg. mum tore off my 2 heart stickers in the car *pissEd* leading dg was much ezier than expected. as least pple more responsive than the junior dg pple. had dindin.. den collected fotos and came home to pack.. whEe! about 2/3 of the album.. *happI* :)
sundAe.. went for dg tirEd. but no class. had breakfast. had a good tok with sarah. shud realli go her hse soonSs.. 201 was good.. fun time discovering our personality :) hmmz yah.. wot did i do last nitE? cant remembeRr.. hahz
todae was quite fun. met at tiong bahru.. but realized there was no bus!! and b4 i forget.. THANK GOD FOR HeALINg my SORE THROAT.. i laid hands on myself and prayed and God relli healed :) hee.. yah had lotsa sun.. took fotos. now feeling quite hot. me and liyi managed to crahs into rasa sentosa to bathe.. wheE :) yah fluffs 2nd obedience class quite chaotic. haiyoHs. she refuses to walk.. jialat.. there are 4 fluffy dogs in the class.. 2 guys and 2 gals.. hee.. okae.. now got online mc meeting.. byESs !!
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hEyZ..
havent written my reflections in a long time.. like wot i fink of pple and issues. in a way, i am scared.. scared of thinking too much. scared of wot other pple might fink or feel when they read my reflections.. oh wellzz..
sat was bad dae. woke up grumpy.. went for vocal training. then b4 that dropped by paws and fur. david called me to sorta lecture me about not going for worship prac. mum asked me to see something so i asked her to hold on and she stormed off. then after class, hl picked me up to go to chan bros and ctc. my new slippers of bata gave me a really baDddd blister. sigh. yah parents picked me up from chinatown with realli black face. came home.. took a nap and ran off to dg. mum tore off my 2 heart stickers in the car *pissEd* leading dg was much ezier than expected. as least pple more responsive than the junior dg pple. had dindin.. den collected fotos and came home to pack.. whEe! about 2/3 of the album.. *happI* :)
sundAe.. went for dg tirEd. but no
